my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ketchup is God's man juice
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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