but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
