So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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