i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
