I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
