Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
