I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
