I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
