I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
