saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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