I want to make a zoo with you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
