ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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