ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
