So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
