My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
