Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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