I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
