in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
