If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
