the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
