Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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