I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
