Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
third nipple confirmed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
