Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
