why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
