Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
