you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
