i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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