This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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