I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
