nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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