At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
