id be glad to
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
