yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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