pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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