I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
