i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
