genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
