I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
