I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
