He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
