Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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