when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
