you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
