Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
