Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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