Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
