High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
