Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
