I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
